Fall is here!

Last Monday I spent the day at one of our rent homes helping a friend install a metal roof; it saves him time and work (and me money) if I hand him the sheets of metal so he doesn't have to climb up and down the ladder for each sheet of metal. Most of these were 3 feet by 15 feet. We got all but the edge trim installed after eight hours of work. And the sheet metal was only tacked down at the top and bottom. I was so engrossed in this work, I forgot all about my grieve support group. Opps. And the weather prevent him from returning and finishing the work last week.

Tuesday I accomplished another first: I packed for a road trip without Sandy's direct help! Ok, so I was only driving to Jonathan and Kristy for two nights, but I had to remember to pack those items that were always Sandy's responsibility - and I got it right! Going to their house can be a real hard ship; it requires driving through Branson (where there is a Harry and David outlet) and also Springfield (where there is an Andy's Frozen Custard). Yes, I made stops at both places on my way. It is always a delight to visit family; fun to watch the children interact, see them conduct their family scripture study, enjoy good food and spend time with grand children. That night we celebrated Miriam's 15 birthday (yes it was a few days early).

Wednesday I spent some time with Kristy reviewing investment options. Without Sandy's financial acumen available, Kristy and Jonathan have become her substitute. This was not my area of expertise and long term investments were left to Sandy. Guess that buck now stops with me. That evening was their Ward Trunk or Treat and chili cook off dinner. There were a lot of cute costumes.

Here are Emily, Miriam, Zachary and David:

Another interesting costume:

The food was good and the fellowship welcomed. Best, the children were happy with their loot.

The weather in Missouri was colder that at home; it was in the mid 20s with frost both mornings. One of my accomplishments while here was to draft some more family members to participate in the Mt Vernon Turkey Strutt 5 K on Thanksgiving morning. I ran this race last year with Isabelle, and since she was participating again this year, I invited Andy's family to join us for the run and dinner. Andy and four of his children will be running as well. I left mid morning on Thursday and returned home without incident.

Friday afternoon Miranda arrived with Alex and Rachel for the weekend. Alex immediately starting raking leaves into a big pile so he could run and jump into them; he found it quite entertaining. While Miranda was here, we did the missionary apartment inspection (every six weeks), sorted the linen closet (why do I need six sets of twin sheets?), sorted through some of the books, trimmed a large and long neglected crape myrtle tree. It is fun hearing the sound of little feet running around the house. And these two children get along well, so there is lots of laughter (and occasional unhappy noises too).

We had good testimonies in church today followed by a lesson on Pauls writings to Timothy and Philemon. Lots of current applicability for today if we wish to remain strong and valiant in spite of the world around us.

Other news:  12 days ago  I had the air handler and exterior unit for heat and air replaced; was 19 years old. That required removing a 6 x 8 section of drywall. While they were installing the new unit, I noticed that the duct work from the return air filter and that going directly into the house were both dusty; I was told not to bother cleaning it, the dust would just return. So how do you prevent this build up? Install a 4 inch filter at the base of the air handler unit. So I had them install one. Seems to me that should be standard equipment. So when Dan was here we installed new drywall. This past week I spent mudding the seams and was able to get the wall painted.

This week I hope to get to the temple.

The week is over already?

It never fails to happen, I know what I want to write up until the time I sit down and am ready to type; then all thoughts of the past week disappear.

Monday it rained so I stayed home doing stuff in the morning. Then attended my Hospice Grief Support Group. The discussion was on anger. I am finding that these classes help me identify feelings/attitudes I am experiencing, but didn't know it. In that regard it clarifies and explains why things are they way they are.

Tuesday AM I met my roofing friend and we started overlaying a sheet metal roof on the garage of one of Rebecca's rent houses. The shingles were crumbling. We got about 60% done after about 3 hours of work. We returned on Wednesday to finish the job. My main responsibility is to hand the sheet metal up to him so he doesn't have to make so many trips up and down the ladder. But I also installed screws.

Before pictures:

Mostly finished photos:

I had been invited to lunch by a good friend that day, so I left early, but after insuring all the sheet metal was on the rood. Kent is a realtor friend, and also lost his first wife a few years ago. He invited me out mainly to just talk. It was therapeutic and the food was good.

Wednesday evening Dan visited until Saturday AM. We tackled some tree trimming in the front yard, and the pasture areas Thursday and into Friday. We got about 90% of the low hanging branches cut (the ones that the tractor cover impacts while bush hogging). We had gone to dinner at a member's home on Thursday night and the sister missionaries were also there. They were willing to come do some service Friday afternoon and we were able not only to collect a majority of the cut limbs, but burn them as well. Their help was appreciated. You might ask how we cut the low limbs; Dan rides in the tractor bucket and I lift or lower him as needed to cut the branches.

I took him to dinner Friday night and we got home just as Kera and her 5 at home children arrived. Of course we had to play 5 Crowns that evening. Saturday was the big day. The local college, ASU, Mountain Home was hosting a 'Whoos Getting Muddy' 5 and 10 K mud run. Charlotte (9), Emma(11), Matthew (13), Katie (18) and I  ran in the 5 K non competitive family fun run.. It was drizzly, there was a lot of mud and it was a very cool 51 degrees. But all the kids made the run and had a varying degree of fun in the process.  Matthew clearly had too much fun! While there were several hundred signed up, in our category there were 67 and we placed from 16-21 (yes, that last number would be me).

The before picture:

The after picture:

Matthew

Charlotte

 Katie and Tom

 Emma, Tom and Charlotte

Tom on the slip and slide

Matthew, Tom, Charlotte

Matthew having too much fun

More Matthew

Thanks to Kera for taking the pictures; she probably ran as much as we did to capture these muddy moments.

Church was good; We had an excellent discussion on being fully committed and what that requires.

Going Solo

Monday I attended the Group Grief Session hosted by Hospice. Might have been 20-25 there; some have attended such discussions for years. They do have some helpful thoughts to share, and you are surrounded by people who have been there done that. Take aways: grief manifests itself physically as well as emotionally and spiritually through poor decision making, confusion. slower in accomplishing even simple tasks. When things get tough, I can pull the 'grief' card as my excuse! Also grief takes a long time to overcome (Ouch!).

Tuesday afternoon Kristy came with Emily; her purpose was to help weed through some of the financial challenges dealing with our trust. While we had a his and her trust, Sandy wanted hers to convert to an irrevocable trust on passing. I don't recall the rationale for this, I just know that it creates a lot of work for us. On Wednesday we met with the representative of the law office and received some homework to complete. Once home, Kristy was able to jump right in to organize the tasks that needed doing. She was able to put things in perspective for me with her spreadsheets, but this trust business is still a challenge for me.

Sue and Steve also left Arkansas headed to NM Wednesday morning. They did some amazing things while here; they were like the fly on the wall; always there when needed and reaching out to assist even when I didn't know assistance was needed. Sue had the foresight to record several conversations with Sandy over the past couple weeks of her life which are very precious to me. Their presence was greatly appreciated and their absence certainly missed.  Thanks so much!!

Thursday, Kristy and I were able to get some accounts organized, phone calls made, bank accounts simplified and felt good about our accomplishments. But she needed to return home before noon, so another sad departure. By 12 noon, I was officially on my own, flying solo. But this evening I was able to talk with our attorney about this trust confusion and he confirmed that we could merge the two - which makes our lives so much simpler. So I had to contact those that we had previously contacted to tell them to put things on hold until we can resolve how to make this happen. Hopefully we can get this taken care of quickly so we can move forward with what needs to be done to merge the two trusts.

Friday and Saturday were spent in staying productively busy. Organizing book cases, scanning lots of pictures, working outside. I did pick up the metal roofing for one our rent houses and for one of Rebecca's garages; the plan was to start installing on Monday, but the weather may preclude that. And no, the bookcases are not fully organized; just books placed in different piles depending on their final destination.

Church today. I find that sacrament meetings have a more significant meaning for me. People have been good about inquiring about me; when anyone asks 'how are you doing' I tell them they need to give me a hug. I have a dinner invite this evening.

I have been on my own four days now; it is bearable, not necessarily easy. I try to stay focused on being busy and that helps. But it is the many tender mercies that God provides that makes this possible. I know from whence my strength comes.

Post Funeral

No post last week. It was too difficult to write the story of Sandy's last couple of earthly hours and then the days leading up to her funeral. Suffice it to say she passed away peacefully with family in her presence. At the funeral on Saturday 5 October, she received a joyous sendoff from her family and friends. There was laughter and tears; hugs and sadness.

The chapel was full, the overflow was full. 25 family members, and a few angels, sang: "Oh, What Songs of the Heart" as the opening song; Miranda gave a lovely eulogy, Dan McClellan read memories of the siblings and Jonathan gave the Plan of Salvation talk. All were superb. Then it was off to Douglas Cemetery for the interment. But there had been an auto accident at the major intersection just up from the chapel, so we were delayed a few minutes. But Sandy got her police escort. I drove the Model A to the cemetery. It was the car we started our lives together with, so it was only appropriate that the car was there for her final resting. The grand children sang another song, a few memories were shared and I dedicated the grave. Sue and Steve played the alp horns; someone asked if they ever lowered the casket while family was still present. Yes, but rarely. But they lowered the casket and the grandchildren enjoyed taking flowers from the casket spray and throwing them on top of the casket.

Then back to the chapel for dinner provided by the Relief Society. Then back to the house for visiting. Savannah and Sarah got all the women to the bedroom where the ladies went through Sandy's clothes. A lot of fun was had by all and everyone came away with some item of Sandy's.

Five of Sandy's nieces/nephews traveled to be at the funeral and it was great to visit with them, even for a short time: Sarah English, Robert, Catherine, Cyrus (whose wife had a baby the same day that Sandy passed on), and Ben all the way from CA. Thank you for coming.

We took over the church building on Sunday. We watched conference in the RS room and ate lunch and dinner in the cultural hall. Here are some photos that capture those moments.

And note the grouping of the families during the meals:

One project that Sandy wanted completed was landscaping in the front gardens. It didn't happen in her life time, but it was completed this past Monday and looks so much better.

This week I have tried to stay busy scanning family photos; organizing the photos we already have; organizing small corners of the house (what am I suppose to do with feminine hygiene products?); unsubscribing from Sandy's many regular email senders.

We put one of the rent houses on the market early in September and Friday I signed a counter offer. If all goes well, this cash offer will close before the end of the month. Not the price Sandy would have accepted (sorry), but logic told me to accept it anyway. One down, several more to go.

There is life after the passing of one's spouse. There are okay days, and not so good ones. But I know that Sandy is in a happy place, so why shouldn't I be? My goal is to find joy each day and to be kinder to people. The following is a quote from Neal A. Maxwell:
"A mortal life may need to be 'shortened' by twenty years as we might view it - but if so, it may be done in order for special services to be rendered by that individual in the spirit world, services that will benefit thousands of new neighbors."


Have a great week.

Another Exciting Week!

Last week found Rebecca driving Josh to catch his flight in Little Rock, then returning to our house for a short break before grabbing a rental car to drive to Jonathan's for the night so she could catch a Tuesday morning flight back to Okinawa. All of that proceeded normally up to the catching her flight home. The plane had maintenance issues so she was rescheduled for a later in the evening flight. By then we realized that Sandy's health was deteriorating; did Rebecca want to come home instead? She made the decision to cancel her flight, rent a car and come home.Unfortunately, her luggage did not get the memo. Five days later, United still isn't sure where it might be. Meanwhile, Rebecca has had a good time visiting thrift stores to replenish her supply of clothes,

With the deterioration of Sandy's health, she decided that the sibling reunion scheduled to be held in Branson was not realistic for her to attend; so the venue was changed to our house. With Rebecca in Springfield, she was able to pick up Sally and Steve from the Branson airport and drive them to Mountain Home. Steve and Kathy drove and arrived later that day.

Then Cynthia and Jim drove in after flying into Fayetteville on Thursday. So Sandy's family was all here. Over the next couple of days family members struggled over assembling a complicated jig saw puzzle, worked on equally challenging family history, read and visited. Sandy was able to participate in much of the conversations.

I tried to get over to complete some items at the house we are putting up for sale. I was able to get someone to clean it and Rebecca helped me pressure wash the exterior. On Saturday, Steve English helped cover two of the crawl hole spaces so no rodents can gain access. The house should go on the market tomorrow.

With help from various family members, we got the fountain in front operational and I took Sandy out one evening so she could enjoy the sound of the dripping water and the night bugs.

Saturday, Steve English and I went to help a long time ward couple pack their 26 foot van. We spent about two hours and came home.  There was plenty of help since this was a well liked couple. They will be missed.

Sandy did not attend church today; she is too weak to even stand on her own anymore. The primary gave their annual program during the first hour (they always do a great job). During the second hour we had the youth program broadcast explaining the new program. Sounds very upbeat and positive. Afterwards there was a linger longer; the first in many years and there was a good turnout. Rebecca had made cinnamon rolls and we took in over a dozen; they were all consumed.  Good thing Kathy had also made her gooey sticky buns and we were able to enjoy those at home.

September Happenings

First the me stuff:  I was able to run Monday, Wednesday and Friday with Rebecca and then we participated in a 5 K on Saturday. The local Food Bank sponsors an annual fund raising event complete with activities, music, food, a kayak race and a 5 K. Rebecca chose to run the entire race at my pace and we crossed the finish line at 31:02, a time I was pleased with, although slower than last year's pace.

I also spent time at the rent house and finally got 95% of the painting done by working half days there. On Wednesday, I took Rebecca with me to one of her rent houses that needed the exterior pressure washed.

Monday evening, the local movie theater showed "the Other Side of Heaven, Part 2". It was a special request and the promoters would only show it if at least 35 people signed up. Normal attendance on a Monday night is 20; there were approximately 75 for this showing.

On Monday Sally left; then Steve and Kathy departed on Tuesday. Their visits were appreciated and Sandy enjoyed their presence even for the short duration of their stays. Then Saturday night Joshua (White) flew in from college in Utah. He arrived in Little Rock and Katie was kind enough to transport him here. She had to leave Sunday afternoon, but not until we had time to make fudge (it's tradition).

Sandy has been 'busy' coming to closure on several projects she would like to see completed. Sue and Steve were very helpful locating a water fountain for the front (the last one broke two years ago) at Home Depot and Steve helped getting it assembled and now we once again have the sound of running water in the front. I have going through her emails unsubscribing to most of her business related emails that she subscribed to when she was still writing; now they are of no value to her. We have three older laptops that need reviewing to see if there is any valuable data on them before they are discarded. Sandy was unable to access the oldest one, dating back to our Georgia Mission days, but Josh worked his magic and it is now downloaded on a jump drive for us to review.

Josh's stay ended this morning (Monday). Rebecca is driving him back to Little Rock to catch his flight; then she will return, pick up a rental car, and drive to Springfield for her Tuesday morning flight. Visits are always appreciated and enjoyed; we have certainly been spoiled by all the attention Sandy is getting by visiting family; we especially appreciate their preparing yummy meals for us when they are here!

Sunday afternoon, Sarah and daughter Hannah stopped by. Sarah is great at massaging Sandy's swollen feet and Hannah and Katie busied themselves in the kitchen making fudge. Then Katie had to leave. But the relief society president and her oldest son stopped by and we had some good visiting time. And before they left, Tanya Kelley arrived for a couple of days. We certainly feel loved and cared for.

Sandy continues to amaze us with her strength and stamina; some days are better than others, but she is mostly void of pain. But she is slowing growing weaker. Your prayers and contact with her are appreciated.

Anniversary Week

This was a GREAT WEEK.

I was able to go run three times and actually decrease my time by week's end. It has been wonderful having Sue and Steve here to help with Sandy; this has allowed me time to run errands and work on the rent house.

While working on the house Monday, Sandy had a dentist appointment and then had Sue and Steve take her to Walgreens for a few items. While getting out did her some good, this is also the day she 'crashed' (my term) and issued some edicts to Sue: contact Rebecca and others and tell them they need to come quickly. And amazingly, they were all able to come!

Kristy was one of those she wanted to see so we could close some financial issues. She was there before the day was over and brought three of her children. Besides being a support for Sandy, she was able to 'download' some important data into my brain; fortunately they live close enough that a refresher will be easy. Due to a Wednesday night commitment, they had to leave that afternoon. But it was great to have them visit.

I continued to work around family visits and was able to get the rent house trim 95% painted; so the walls will be easy to do. Hopefully it will be ready to go on the market by week's end.

Rebecca was able to change her flight plans for a visit in October and was due to fly into Springfield Thursday night. Adam had previously made flight arrangements into LR for the same night. Knowing that Adam only had a 40 minute layover in Denver, we were anxiously monitoring his flight status. We were focused on the wrong flight. He had no problems; he arrived in LR, picked up his rental car (a Dodge Charger!), and drove up arriving about 3 am Friday morning.

Meanwhile, Rebecca, who flew into Chicago had over three hours before her next flight. Unfortunately, that flight was cancelled as was the one they rebooked her on. So she spent the night in Chicago and was able to fly into LR Friday afternoon. Andy's family was leaving Friday; so Katie and  drove one car to LR to pick up Rebecca and Andy drove the rest of the family direct to our house. All were here by dinner time.

Nathan flew into Tulsa on Wednesday, spent the night with Miranda's family and then they planned to drive to Jonathan's for Thursday night. Unfortunately, the van started running rough and they stopped in Joplin.One of the cylinder coils needed replacing, but it was closing time and they would work on in Friday AM. So they spent the night in a motel. They had to check out at noon, and Dan who was on the road, was able to connect with the bishop and his wife came and helped them get their luggage to the local ward building since the car was not ready. Once it was repaired they headed directly to our house and were here in time for dinner. We fed 22 that night. Deborah's family drove up later and went directly to the resort they were staying at. We have a sweet church couple that offered to let family stay free if we did not have room. So they stayed there as did Andy's family.

Saturday morning we had a log splitting activity for a long time church member who has provided many of us with firewood; but now he is unable to even start his chainsaw. There were three log splitters on sight (one refused to run!); there were 18 of us there helping. Andy, Dan, Adam, Aaron and I helped for 90 minutes and then returned home. Katie had mowed the yard, and Aaron did the weed whipping. Kera was busy making over 100 rolls and Miranda made two pans of 7-layer dip. I cleaned up and went to Walmart to pick up the cake ( we have  ward member who works there and agreed to make it according to Kera's amazing design).

Sue and Steve made the run to Harp's to pick up the fruit, veggie, meat and veggie trays. It all came together before 3pm. We did have a couple of friends stop by early, but we were mostly ready.  Sometime during this event, Sally arrived. Short of a miracle that she made it since she encounter delays, changes, and other challenges, not the least of which as she left her cell phone at home! That day we had 34 family member here and I estimated 60-70 friends stop by. We had sufficient food for our Kicking Off Our 50th Year reception. It was a long day and Sandy held up well. Deborah and family left due to Sunday responsibilities in their ward.

Sunday we enjoyed church. Adam left to drive to LR to catch his return flight. Andy and family left after dining on a wonderfully delicious dinner prepared by Steve S consisting of roast, potatoes, carrots, celery and onions. Kathy had a delicious apply crisp hot and ready for dessert. And then we visited some more.