Baptisms!

I have been trying to be very appreciative of people who want to help me. This week I sent out several thank you notes and called a few people. It was fun to chat with them.

Tuesday Margaret came over and we did some water colors together.  I found paper... but I could NOT find my brushed and paints.  I searched and searched.  Margaret let me borrow hers and we had fun working on leaves and shading.  Finally, after she left, I put a stool in the front closet and climbed up and looked in the very back of the top shelf.  Eureka! I found them!  I played with them a little on my own over the course of the week.

Our family history center is putting on heritage nights. This Tuesday it was Ireland. We learned about famous Irish people and locations and also shared an authentic Irish meal.

Wednesday I weeded two of my blueberry plants.  The crab grass just invades and chokes the plants.  It's tedious to pull out the roots and sometimes have to untangle them from the blueberry roots.  This time I made a larger circle around the bush in the hopes I'll be able to catch the creepy crawlers before the get too close to the trunk.  At noon we went to lunch with some friends, the Henleys.  Had a nice time.  That afternoon it rained.

I had my port put in on the first of the month.  And I realized I needed to make an appointment for it to be flushed.  Normally it's every 4-6 weeks. But they were not sure the port had been flushed when it was installed, so they wanted to do it soon.  Thursday I went in and had that done.  It was back in the chemo room-- big lounge chairs, drips, old TV shows playing (Bonanza).  It was quick and professional, but I'm once again glad I'm not doing chemo.

Toward the end of the week I seemed to have a series of less healthy days.  My gag-reflex is in overdrive.  I can go from feeling okay to puking in about 60 seconds. Half the food I can eat I have no desire to eat. I tried a new remedy on Thursday and perhaps that is the root cause.  I don't think I'll do that again.  Also traveling tends to bring out the grumbly sore tummy.  I don't think it's the colon.  I think it's the stomach and the small intestines.  I will be happy to move forward from this stage of health.

Tuesday we got a message that Anthony planned on moving the cows on Friday. I thought, how can we make this easier for him?  If we can see that the cows stay in the corral, he can force them to load.  So Wednesday Tom and I put up two strands of electric fencing around the corral.  One was nose height, the other was above the current fencing to prevent jumping.  We thought if we could put them in the corral for a couple of hours each day, they would come to recognize the electric fence.

Alas, it did not turn out quite as planned. He had to  work on Friday and so came on Thursday.  In spite of the electric fence, one went over the fence and the other went through. He loaded and took one cow. Friday after work he came back for the others. 

We were not there as we'd gone to see the play "Arsenic and Old Lace" at the local play house. It was a fun production and we enjoyed it.  One of our young women from church was part of the cast.

We got a text about 9 pm that the cows had been loaded.  Apparently they didn't haul them off until Saturday morning, as there was still much mooing going on.  And Bessey, the little cow remained behind. Don't know what they intended, but she was roaming the west pasture where she can slip through the fence.  We will put her in a more secure pasture.

Saturday Tom and I drove down to Russellville. Miranda and Dan had arrived on Friday night. After we got there, Dan, Miranda, David McClellen, and a variety of kids from both families went crystal digging. It was about 1.5 hours to the "mine."  Really what they did was dig a bunch of dirt from a hillside and then dump it in a flat place for us to dig through.  It was nice because the dirt was damp and easy to dig in.  And we found wonderful crystals!  Not just here and there, but a lot of them of varying sizes from tiny jewelry size to clusters to good chunks of crystals. We had a lot of fun. When they boys got tired of digging, they ran through mud puddles... We forgot sun screen, so necks and arms got a little red. I was glad I had taken a hat.  Although my interpretation of "mine" envisioned being inside a cave. I was fortunate not to get cut.  If a crystal gets broken, it is sharp as glass and many adults and kids sought out bandaids.  I started by using gloves, but you could feel for crystals much better by straining the dirt through your fingers.

Sunday Kera made an elaborate bun for Charlotte.  She really doesn't like her hair messed with. But she was very patient and it turned out lovely.  She wore a beautiful baptismal dress.

Sunday Jonathan and three children joined us for church. Ian and Deborah and family arrived in time for the 3:30 baptism. It was interesting that it was the first and the last.  It was Andy and Kera's youngest child, Charlotte, being baptized and Miranda and Dan's oldest child, Camden. Aaron played the piano to accompany and for interlude music. I lead the music.  Tom gave the talk on Baptism and Katie the talk on the Holy Ghost.  The children were well prepared to move forward making covenants with God.

It was so fun to have so much family gathered around.  Andy has fun back yard play things and the kids really enjoyed themselves on that.  One is a flat, webbed swing, perhaps 4' by 4'.  It is hung from a pine branch probably 30 feet high.  You can get a nice swing with that drop!

Kera prepared delicious meals for us on Saturday and Sunday in spite of going to pine wood derby and helping Aaron organize his Eagle project. We had the most delightful chorister at Sacrament meeting. He made me happy. You could see how much he loved singing and music!

Feeling well

It's hard to believe that Monday the 16th was the day I was to start chemotherapy. I actually felt a little sick to my stomach that day, and it would have been a horrible day to begin.  With each passing day I am more grateful that I chose to go natural remedies.  I feel like I'm doing better and better. On Wednesday we went to Richards for a healing, and I felt the energy flowing through me.  I thought about the sacred blessings of health contained in some of the temple ordinances and claimed them for my own. I trust God will make them manifest in me at this point.

The weather finally seems to be moving away from the frostbite stage. Tuesday I finished trimming the grapevines.  Poor things are oozing sap.  I hope I didn't kill them off. I seem to have a knack for trimming out of season and shocking the plants. Thursday I fertilized the blueberries and rose bushes. Saturday we planted more summer season plants: Tomatoes, peppers, zucchini and cucumbers. Tom mowed the lawn for the first time and I spent about two hours weeding around just two of our seven blueberry plants.  I figure they need better access to nutrients and should have to fight it out with the lawn.

Friday Tom helped drive the van to the temple. He had an enjoyable time visiting with folks on the ride up and back. I need more individualized pit stops, so right now the van is not a good choice for me. I did have a 40 minute free consultation with a cryptotax company.  He was very informative and we had a good talk. It turns out I was right, I could not use like- kind exchanges in 2017. The ruling says it only applies to real estate. So I'm glad I paid taxes on my crypto sales... even if it was to buy another crypto token.  I also learned some of the shortfalls with Coin Tracking and their tax information.  Next year I'll pay to go with these guys for this part of my taxes. After all... how do you figure out taxes on a "fork" or a "drop"?  I surely don't know.

The cows have decided to become escape artists. I'm so done with this!!! Miranda and Dan were here on Monday and helped chase them back in. Wednesday we had a knock on our door at about 6:15. It was the sheriff letting us know one of our cows was on the road, but when he opened the gate to come in, she did, too.  So at least we didn't have to chase her down the street. We talked about putting up electric fencing, and Anthony had said he was available to help... but Tom was busy with other things.

Saturday we were off to a baptism, and the neighbor knocked on our door.  Bessie, the small cow, had gone through the fence to the yard in front.. near Old Tracy Rd. We didn't have time to deal with it, so we called Anthony to get her back in. Unfortunately, he didn't do anything to insure she stayed in. We came back from the baptism to find a cow in the chicken run, one in the garden, and two eating the chicken scratch in the trashcan in our back yard!  I was so angry!  We'd put them in, and a few minutes later, they were right back out again.  They'd jumped over some of the chain link fencing and stretched it out, so it was lower and easier to get over.

So we changed clothes and pulled out the electric fencing. We strung it around the garden and chicken coop, the play area, and then down the east/west fence to the Douglas property.  Unfortunately with all that work... it still didn't work perfectly... at all?  Anthony came over to help a bit in the evening.  Actually, as we worked tightening the fence and stringing the wire, we put Bessy back in the pasture... and the next thing we knew, she was out again.  We texted Anthony and said, "we can't fix fence and round up cows." He responded, "I agree, that's asking a lot." Nevertheless, it was a good 45 minutes before he came out to get Bessie back in.  In the mean time, the neighbor came by to let us know... again... that Bessie was in his yard. And finally started to loosen our recently tightened fence to help her get back through.  I was really fuming the whole time.  Wondering why we were busting our tails to fix fence and he had other pressing things to do. To his credit, he had told Tom he'd be available Thurs, Fri, and Sat to help with the fence, but Tom had not asked for his help.  So I was a bit grumpy at Tom as well.

My neighbor, Barb, says I never get angry. So Tom called her over so she could see what a Mad Sandy looked like. Not a pretty sight.

On the plus side, I guess my health and strength was sufficient to work outside for 4 hours.  When the cows went into the garden, they managed to uproot every squash plant.  So before we quit, we had to go back and replant them and water them.  Then it rained during the night and on Sunday they looked happy. 

Fortunately, I was over my miff, and happier as well. Although I did send a letter to Anthony saying I understood we were not skilled in cow management.  We had also been vague and unclear and had not called on him to help as we could have/should have. So now I'm being clear and specific.  I'm done!  I have no more patience with the cows. The cows have to stay in. He needs to figure out how to make that happen- research, learn, find experts, and pay help to make it happen. And it has to happen in the next five days-- before we go to a baptism. I can't leave my neighbor who watches cats and chickens to deal with this.

Today we had great sacrament meeting talks. A new couple introduced themselves and we learned how to listen to and follow the Spirit. Tom and I sat with a new investigator for Sunday School (and me for Relief Society) as we learned the importance of families and how the Savior set the example of how to keep the Sabbath Day holy.

April 9-15

Monday we finished up watching Deborah's children.  I went to half of half to see what kinds of goodies I could not live without. Although I pursued the entire store... I could only find one $4 top that required bringing home.

Miranda came to visit with her children.  She planned to stay with Deborah's kids for those few interim hours between the time we left-- about 3:30 pm... and the time Deborah and Ian came home... about 8 pm. It was nice to chat with Miranda and fun to see her children playing so well with Deborah and Ian's kids.

We arrived home just before dark and were able to get in and settled.  The next morning, Tuesday, we went to Tai Chi and I had a session with Clifford. After that I went to Pietz's Cancer house to learn what they could do for me in the way of support. They have support groups, free wigs, exercise and nutrition classes and a variety of other presentations.

Then I stopped by Dr. Lattanzi's office to see if they knew when I would begin Chemo. It sounded like "not this week" which freed us up to make plans.

I went to Midway to buy garden seeds, then vegetable shopping, then stopped to get my hair cut.  Tom had been out at a volunteer meeting for an interfaith group. Good thing... I realized I didn't have cash to get my hair cut...and she doesn't take plastic. So my Sugar Daddy stopped by and gave me some cash.  I also stopped at the health food store and bought some Essiac Tea.  It was pretty pricey for not much.  But I was running out and had not made another batch.

Late Tuesday afternoon I got the news that the KRAS test was in. (They didn't know for sure the results but judging by the chemo prescribed it was positive.) And they scheduled me for Chemo starting Monday.  I learned that I would be having a drip at the doctor's office for a good FIVE HOURS! Two hours each for the first two drugs and one hour for the third... and that was after the series of pre-chemo drugs to prevent nausea and such. Then home health would come out and hook up the two day drip, and remove it once it was done.

Wednesday I got a call from an ostomy nurse.  One of my friends thought I had surgery and an ostomy bag.  Glad I didn't. Still the nurse was informative and sweet.  She suggested I check into Pietz's house for a support group.  I had not wanted to be prejudiced by other's experiences and I said, "I understand that each person experiences chemo differently."  She said, "Oh, that's true, but there are some common features. Everyone experiences deep fatigue, nausea, and loss of appetite."  What?  Whoa!

I did more research on chemo. I learned that the goal of chemo... as the doctor said... was to shrink the tumor, not to cure the disease.  The chemo acts on the daughter cells, but allows the mother cells to live, to mutate, and to become more chemo resistant. The fatigue comes from the attack on all the body organs as well as the fast growing cells especially T-cells and blood cells, resulting in a compromised immune system.  How could I fight off the cancer naturally, if the immune system is compromised?  What if chemo weakened me and allowed the cancer to mutate and flourish?

Essentially the treatment is palliative care. It doesn't cure it just may extend life.  The more I read and thought about it, the more I dreaded moving forward with it.

I was talking to Tom about my dread of starting chemo and becoming sick and immune compromised. He said, "You know, you don't have to do it." We talked about it. We listed pros and cons.  Tom asked... are you willing to risk dying in 6 months? If you live a year with lousy quality of life is that better?  What do you risk if you don't?  What do you risk if you do? We prayed and pondered.

Wednesday we planted the garden. The weather had warmed up to the high seventy's.

Thursday it was in the 80's. We held Tai Chi outside in glorious weather.  Again I had a session with Clifford. In the afternoon I trimmed the grape vines.  We also went to lunch with friends at Colton's.  I find that salads are generally a safe bet to eat.

 By Friday morning I had also made the decision to cancel my chemo appointment and not take chemo treatments. It felt like a relief and felt like I got my life back.  I could move forward with plans and not worry about when I would feel sick and tired.

One thought spring might be on it's way. But Friday a storm blew in.

Tom and I left Friday morning after Dr. Nachtigal, the surgeon, checked my port. We drove to the Kansas City temple to meet Miranda and family there. We had a little rain. We got there earlier than anticipated and were able to do some initiatories.  Then Miranda met us at the temple and we did a session together. We went to Panera for dinner. When we came out, it was POURING rain.

Dan had held down the fort with the kids.  The hotel had an indoor water park and they had fun there.  On the drive up, the neighbor called. All the cows were in our front yard! Gaak!  We called the wife of the cow owner to come take care of it, and had the neighbor close the front driveway gate to corral them in the front yard.  How did they get out?  They pushed through a fence gate. She put them in the east pasture... where there was little grass. We wanted them there so the west pasture could get a bit of a head start before they were turned out on it again.

If you look closely at the left juniper, you can see Tom there.

Saturday Dan and Tom and I went to the 8:30 session. It was bitter cold!. After, we went back to the hotel to change, and we hit the road to come home. We had checked the Mountain Home weather and heard that a tornado or tornadic type weather had hit around the hospital area and up North Collage and on to Gamaliel. Hyrum Shaddock, the nursing home just next to the hospital had 1/3 of it's roof collapse. When we returned home, we saw many trees broken off on North College. We have a rental house on North College and worried about it.  It looked okay.  Just one side had some of the metal fascia ripped loose and hanging.  Could have been much worse. One house had a tree on it. Another had shingles lifted straight up, exposing the wooden roof below.

Turns out the cows were not pleased to be confined to the low grass area.  They kept trying to get through the fences.  When we returned home on Saturday, once again, one was in the front yard, and one in the west pasture. We decided, no reward of grain or luring them with grain. We'd make it a bit more unpleasant. After a bit of chasing, we got the cows in.  They escaped again to the west pasture.  Tom chased them with the truck and we got them into the east... I don't know. Tom takes it as a challenge. It's stopped being fun for me.

Miranda and Dan came home with us. It's been fun to have grandchildren running around and interesting conversations with the adults. Nice to have the pew half filled with family and everyone admiring my cute new grand baby. I got to snuggle with her while she slept through a good part of sacrament and Sunday school.  That's the only time she's quiet.  When she's awake, she wants to wiggle and move. In Relief Society we talked about the worth of every soul in the sight of God. 

We had a quiet afternoon (as quiet as it can get with three young boys) playing games and visiting.  Miranda's family will leave tomorrow and we will start new adventures.

Week of April 2-8

We had a lovely time with Jonathan and Kristy’s family over Conference Weekend. So nice to have their family over. On Monday Kristy and Isabelle went to visit Clifford, the Chinese Healer.  I prepped for surgery and had my port put in. It went easier than I had expected… in that I went to sleep and when I woke up… it was done.  There was soreness and discomfort at the site, but the Tramadol that they prescribed didn’t seem to do a lot.  I tried Tylenol and Motrin.  They worked as well.  And finally I just gave up.  Each day the discomfort diminished.

Tuesday, I went to Tai Chi in the morning and a session with Clifford.  He was gentle as he said my body had poisons in it… no doubt from the anesthetic. While the anesthesiologist said it would not cause a slowing of the digestive system and the doctor said the pain killer would not cause it either, the bowels were not moving.

Tuesday afternoon I met with Dr. Lattanzi, the oncologist. He said comparing PET scans with CT scans is kind of apples to oranges.  It’s not designed to reveal changes. Also, the KRAS test STILL had not come back. And finally, I guess they need pre-approval from the insurance companies before beginning chemo. Seriously?  I’m ready to begin… and they are not.

On the plus side, we’d told Deborah we’d watch her kids while she and Ian went to Utah for Ian’s sister’s wedding. So we left on Wednesday to do that.

Earlier in the week Tom had been working on Adam’s house.  The toilet was not working properly and the flooring around it was weak. So he spent the first part of the week redoing the floor and installing the new toilet.  He finished Wednesday morning before we left.

I had a totally miserable Wednesday and Thursday. My bowels finally started moving but with a great deal of very painful gas. So I wasn’t a lot of help at Deborah’s those first days.  Thursday, I had a painful abdomen plus sick to my stomach. I finally figured out it wasn’t surgery or cancer related, it was a 24-hour bug from one of the grandchildren. That was good news. I figured my misery would come to an end. And it did. Friday I felt better and even better on Saturday. I decided I was willing to live after all.

Tom has been amazing.  He’s fixed meals and driven kids to school. The children have been very good, too. They have played well together and been helpful. It has been fun to create relationships and memories with more of the grand children.

Saturday we told them they could sleep in… so they woke up at 5:30. We got the beds changed and the house cleaned before 10am.  So we had an early lunch and went to the Amazeum. This is a delightful hands-on museum for kids. It’s wonderful that everything can be touched by them.  They had tubes that blew scarves around, up, down, and finally out an opening at the top, an animation area, balls and vents, a music area with all kinds of things to hit with sticks or flip-flops. There was a market where kids could stock, shop, and check out food, and a loading area were kids could move soft cubes along conveyer belts (hand cranked) up lifts, and down chutes. There was a building area outside and a playground.  There were also science and art areas and a Hershey chocolate making area.  We got tickets to do that… but they weren’t until 3pm… and we were kinda done by a little after 2 as Hailey was ready for a nap. In the evening, we watched a movie.

Sunday was fast Sunday and it was a good day. There were good testimonies about the Book of Mormon. Deborah’s ward got a new Relief Society presidency and it was fun to learn about the new women in Relief Society. In the afternoon we played board games and hide and seek with the kids.  A more active Sunday than our usual pastimes.

MD Anderson

Monday we drove down to MD Anderson for a second opinion.  I had gone to the library and got some books on tape.  So we enjoyed a modified Alyss in Wonderland story on the way down.  It presumed that Alyss was the rightful heir of Wonderland, but wicked queen Red had stolen the throne and Alyss escaped to London around 1880. The story was Alyss's attempts to get back to Wonderland and regain her throne.

I was very impressed with MD Anderson.  They were very professional and really addressed all concerns from medical to social and emotional.  Unfortunately the doctor had the same prognoses and treatment as the oncologist here. Not a candidate for surgery as the cancer had metastasized and seeded in the abdomen. Chemo would hopefully shrink the tumor... no cure... cancer would likely return.  Fortunately that's just western medicine's outlook. I have a connection with the Master Healer and hope and pray for a much better outcome.

I'm doing natural remedies... but are they working... or working fast enough?  Dr. Le (from MD Anderson) said that while I feel great now, things could go south quickly. If I had a bowel blockage, the size of the tumor in the abdomen might make it impossible to do surgery... and it would be fatal.  Tom and I decided we would start Chemo and see if it shrinks the tumor. That would give natural methods more time to work.

While they said to plan on 3-5 days, we just had the one appointment and we were done. Perhaps because we'd done all the testing ahead of time.  So we drove to Galveston and walked barefoot on the beach. It was absolutely delightful.  The tide was in.  The waves were wild with the wind blowing.  And the sand was powder soft. Sandpipers raced at the edge of the surf.  Clouds tumbled across the sky.  It was perfect. Very soothing.

Tom and I have been doing barefoot walking as Tom's been reading the book, "Earthing," by Clinton Ober. It has quite a bit of scientific evidence of the benefits of connecting to the earth on a variety of ailments.  Even as we traveled home, we stopped and walked barefoot in a small park along the way.

Wednesday we drove to Dallas and went to the temple.  Then we drove to Mt. Pleasant, just south of the Arkansas border and spent the night.  It was quite a nice hotel for a very reasonable price.  However, between travel and change in diet, my digestive track was not very happy with me. So we took it easy on the way home stopping frequently.

On the way home on Thursday, we called Missionary Medical to ask what would be required for us to go on a mission.  We'd need a letter from the doctor saying he cleared us to go on a mission. Then they needed to know what follow-up treatment I'd need.  The country we wanted to go to might not let us in if we would be a drain on their health system.  And they need to have the facilities modern enough to treat me.  And finally, the slot we were to take might have been filled and we would be assigned elsewhere.  Even if I were in complete remission they would make me wait a little to see if I stayed that way. 

I will likely be retested in June.  It will take a miracle for me to be healthy enough to leave by September-- within our 6 month delay period.  I'm praying for that miracle, but am willing to bow to the Lord's plan for me.

Friday I went to Dr. Nachtigal, the surgeon to see about getting a port put in.  He will do that Monday at 1pm. It will be under anesthetia and take about 20 minutes.  He was very good at explaining the procedure and what I could expect.  I will see  the oncologist on Tuesday and probably start chemo after that.

Friday evening Jonathan, Kristy and family... and dogs...came to visit. It's been delightful. We went to a ward chili cook-off on Friday night. General conference was on Saturday and Sunday.  It was wonderful.  There are lots of  changes that were exciting and I think will help us be better saints.  I learned ways to improve my prayers and how to serve better. In celebration of Easter Sunday, it was also special to hear talks on the atonement and resurrection and their vital meaning for our lives.

Sunday Jonathan and Kristy's kids had a lot of fun finding clues that led to their Easter baskets. Zachary had been sick to his stomach the night before.  So alas, he was forbidden to eat his candy.  However, he carried his basket with him all day... and slept with it at night.

Hope you all had a great Easter weekend.